La Maison et La Vie

Home is frustrating. I'm bored here now. I know that I fell in love with this city before I left, but now I feel so disconnected to it, and it's sad really. I'm going to try to figure it out.

Hopefully when I study abroad I can take this class called Space, Time, and Place. These concepts have always intrigued me. It's so weird for me to think that there are all these places I've been that just stay put when you leave them.

Photo cred.

Ma vingt-huit, encore.

It falls so gently, heavy and deep.
It pangs me to think of this time.

Down.
Down.
Down.
I wanted you to hold me gently down,
Keeping it all away from me.
But you held me up,
Showing me the bravery in having courage.
So instead I looked up,
Up,
Up,
Up,
To watch more come to me,
Like a magnetic force,
Like white dabs on a black canvas.

Hopeful, I trudge on in the mounds of winter.
Your youth gave my age reason to believe itself.
Our memories are just that, memories.


listening to: Roslyn - Bon Iver & St. Vincent

photo cred.

Nocturnal

Sorry to be so emo lately. I don't know what the deal is!

It's 5:33a.m. and I'm not sure why I'm still awake, but what the hell... it's winter break right?!

Currently:
Looking forward to - going back to school, getting back to a schedule, Christmas & New Year's
Listening to - my parakeets chirping and pleading me to turn out the light
Reading - blogs, shamefully no novels but on my to-do list
Thinking about - reconsidering my take on long distance relationships...he's a good guy!
Eating - nothing, but my diet did not go so well today as I am a sucker for cheap food
Regretting - the fact that I'm becoming nocturnal
Wearing - shorts and a white tee
Texting - two special guys
Craving - that awkwardly furry black vest at XXI, more vintage jewelry, curtains for this room...
Planning - who I'm gonna get crunk with on New Year's
Watching - minutes tick by...why am I not just pulling an all-nighter?!
Loving - the snow, being young and on vacation

Blegh. Night.


I love this photo; reminds me of Lost In Translation.
Photo cred.

Simplify.

Everything is so complicated. So elaborate. There are a billion ways to go in life. Choice is so daunting. Some things I can boil down to one simple choice which changed my life forever. And then I get to thinking about all the times a single simple decision changed my life forever and I'm not even aware of it now. Good gravy. This is why I'm jealous of the elderly. They can sit back and enjoy the simplicities of life. I want to do that, but I'm too busy worrying about my job, and my ex-boyfriend, and my classes, and my health, and my plans for this weekend, and my family. I want to simplify it all, without the use of illegal substances. Is this possible? Or is this state of mind something I'm just going to have to get use to? Who has the answer?

Listening to Bon Iver. And I'm not your skinny love anymore, breaks my heart.

Oie, life be bitchin'. Flowers because they are equally as romantic and depressing as choices.

Photo cred 1, 2.

I'll Try Anything Once

Ten decisions shape your life,
you'll be aware of 5 about,
7 ways to go through school,
either you're noticed or left out,
7 ways to get ahead,
7 reasons to drop round,
when i said ' I can see me in your eyes',
you said 'I can see you in my bed',
that's not just friendship that's romance too,
you like music we can dance to,

Sit me down,
Shut me up,
i'll calm down,
and i'll get along with you.

The Strokes, this song, I'll Try Anything Once, I'm addicted.
* correction... is the song called you only live once?


This morning at breakfast an older man asked me "Hey honey, where you get those beautiful blue eyes from?" I had barely noticed him and he was already asking me. Fuck. Why?
It's like torture. The one thing everyone notices is my eyes. All I said was, "Thank you," as I kept walking through the doors, a side smile in disbelief.
Then he was so shocked that I kept walking. He asked again, "From your Dad?" as if it were really bothering him that he didn't know. Both of my parents have brown eyes. I guess I get them from my grandparents, but I wouldn't know.

Creepy as fuck. Leave me alone...you know?

When I woke up this morning, way early, and I was thankful. One of those rare times when you can wake up in the morning and not be annoyed or half asleep even though you are running on about 3 hours of sleep. It was just, pleasant feeling. I told myself I was most thankful for my healthy body. With all of its imperfections and highlights, I was happy to be in this body. It's a great thing to feel when you are 18 and alone.

I'm going home in the morning. I've got about ten boxes to go home, for a 3 week vacation. I plan on bringing back 7. I've got too much stuff so I'm going to get rid of some of it. Riding back with my brother. It's been too long since I last saw him. God, it's good to have family.

Happy Holidays :]


Photo cred.

Sea Therapy

Feeling all right tonight. Decided I'm going to Florida for sure. The sea is therapy for everybody, and I always liked traveling. I'm excited to wear sandals and summery dresses again for a short while. As long as it's warm enough. Oh and a bikini and cardigan mix. I can def picture it now, sitting at the edge of the Atlantic with my iPod and a raspberry iced tea. It has definitely been too long since I last sat in some sand.

I'm hoping to get a camera for Christmas so I can take lots of pictures while I'm there. Pictures to post as well :] I really enjoy photographs. It's like a piece of the places you've been that you can keep forever. I always say I want to go back to a certain time or memory. At least with a photograph you can kind of go back.

Sad that I won't be spending New Year's with my friends at home. It's okay though, won't be the first time.

I'm looking forward to making it back to campus after break. I like it here. It's a good temporary home. I'm finding out it is easier to like it as the year continues. Helps this is a good night. Cozy little room, like a restaurant with mood lighting but everybody is studying instead of eating. And my soundtrack is good...

"I traveled all the world in search of you. I walked through Paris in the rain. I sipped champagne in Hollywood. They're all just hollow shells. They're all just hollow shells without you around."

Photo cred.

What Was Your Most Alive Decision Today?

"Maybe home is a thought not a place; you can move and you're still safe."

Darling ever since you left me, you left me wanting more of you.
I've tried to fill the emptiness with the coolness of the night and his wallet on my alarm clock.
Every time my lips touch another, I can't feel the same as I have with you.
I know you feel it too.
Cradle me like you did before.

Look at me how you did before.
Tell me everything is all right because I can't see straight and I can't let go - you have me and I have you.

Watching the sunset only reminds me of the night you left me here in this town;
It's empty now without you.
I've tried to fill the emptiness with the coolness of the night and his wallet on my alarm clock.

05-27-2009

Found this in my diary. Means more to me now than ever.

Photo cred.

Fool Me Once...

Fell for it again. The whole "most beautiful eyes" line. God. Except this time it was a stream of poetic compliments and then my favorite, "let me see those eyes." Rich, they are all rich.

Any guy who tells you that you have the most beautiful eyes in the world the first night you meet him is a trap. Just let him go.

Photo cred. [edited]

Lost Love

When your heart feels empty, fill your brain for awhile.

Photo cred.

Marion Bridge

Yann Tiersen & an indie film.
Spending the evening through the thin windows,
Hidden from the red, winter sky.

I want to understand.
Captivating stories, ending happily,
Isn't that easy.
After the credits we have to keep on.
Wouldn't it be easier if it just ended panning the setting sun?
Trudging through the rest of our Hours.

Large and small.
I want the world but I want serenity.

Photo credit. [edited]

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Je Voudrais Bien Avoir

I would like a cat. Very much so. Specifically one that doesn't pester my birds. Then I'd like to finally get a nose ring. Also I'd read more books. And tone my stomach. How about a big leap and finally pay to get my hair professionally colored... and cut at the same time haha.

Happy December. Let's be thankful now.


Photo cred.

Leavin' Home, Again.

Going back to school tomorrow. It's 2:41am. I should be sleeping if I'm going to try to leave by 10. But I don't know. I just don't feel ready. Worst visit home, but I'm still not ready to leave.

Then again, I'm ready to go home. More than ready to get back to my crazy new life.

Talk about bipolar emotions. And this continuous headache. And new cough maybe. Joy.

Photo cred & merci pour la belle photo.

Vienna Amour

They say Vienna is the most beautiful city in the world, but what I didn't know was that the boys...are gorgeous.

Shop, Shop, Shop

As winter settles in here in the midwest, I must re-evaluate my winter wardrobe... aka, shopping in the hometown tomorrow :]

Terribly excited. Will surely post pictures of my purchases, new outfits.

Outfit for thought: thanks to Copenhagen Street Style.

Je Vais Bien; Ne T'en Fais Pas

Last day here before Thanksgiving break. Thank the Lord. Never thought I would be homesick, but here I am, sick as a dog. Oh, and dying to go shopping.

I keep meaning to upload photos of my outfits, as that seems to be what people want in a fashion blog these days. (I love how I say these days even though fashion blogging is relatively new. Niceee haha.)

I've got a ton of dirty laundry and seriously hardly a thing to wear home in the morning. Might as well wear my leotard straight home from ballet.

Ugh. Ballet at 7:30... a mere 6 hours from now. I guess I forgot people are actually suppose to sleep at night. Oh well, I mean I probably would have been lying awake right now even if I had try to go to sleep.

Insomnia hits me like a bitch slap.

As far as news goes, turns out I'm not studying abroad for at least one more year. Getting an apartment instead. Cannot wait to have a home of my own finally! There will surely be pics. I'm determined to make my future home a freakin piece of art itself.

Photo cred.

Compliments and Candy

It always starts with an excitement.
It ends with a long walk home, this time solo.

I asked him to walk me home, be a gentleman, you know. He said he was too drunk. Part of me believed him, as his eyes told that. Part of me identified his slick laziness and chauvinistic pig ways. Either way I was fine with it and decided it was for the best, as I don't think I really wanted him to end up at my place either, although it would have been entertaining to see the look on the face of my oh so distant roommate.

"You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." Not the first time I've been told this, hopefully won't be the last. The key to this was deciphering the sincerity of the remark. We had moved from the benches of the dance floor with the cheesy colored lights and distractingly loud music to the executive room with high-backed, quality foam seated swirling chairs. Legs spread, back against the wall, he held me at his waist, high off the ground as he was tall like me. He continued with the compliments, but the neediness in his voice was starting to annoy me. He smelled good and told me I was beautiful, and he was certainly more than relatively attractive, so I let him continue. We didn't sleep together, God no. He had sweet talked way too many girls like this before me, and I was well aware. To my Charismatic Wonderboy, I knew your game the whole time. Really any guy who ever wants a guarantee lay should take lessons from this guy. He could tell most girls the world was going to end and I'm sure they all would believe it, not to mention what they'd do for him before this "end of the world". But then again, most girls who end up at these frats really are that ridiculous. I like to think of myself as an exception thank you very much.

He wanted me to go away with him for a 2 day trip to Michigan. Fucking glorious. This kid had so much bull shit spewing out of his mouth I wouldn't be surprised if it was coming out his ass too. Sure, he might have wanted me to come, but no way in Hell was I really going. I didn't graduate high school with my 4.1 GPA by blowing my teachers.

Here I am, eating Munchies and drinking my Minute Maid Lemonade out of the 2-liter, something that really disgusts me. But I live alone and never have anyone to share my lemonade with so what the hell. My frustration is solely derived from the fact that I left my phone there somewhere. Everything would have been fine if I hadn't left my phone at that goddamn frat. FML.

Onward college life, Onward.

"You Don't Need To Look At The Floor"

Standing tall, surely unsure.
Captivated by the melody and accompanied by the memory.
"You don't need to look at the floor."

With my traveler's lid.
With my dirty boots.
With the chill of the air.
Still unsure.
Confidently insecure.
Wondering if the turning of the leaves brings a change in heart,
Or a change in mind.

He is here.
Where is his heart today?
I do care, I believe.

Waiting for age; how I desire it's thrills.
Leaving this moment I know I'll soon seek to touch once more,
I walk around with eyes strictly peripheral.

photo cred.

Visiting Home

Age is such a funny thing. As an obsessive people-watcher, I find age fascinating. How do we change so much? How do we learn so much? How do we stay so the same? It's a constant, and yet a variable.

I like to watch kids. Especially the age right when they start talking but before they go to school. You can see so much life in their eyes. The people-watcher inside me finds a strong interest in riding the bus (now that I've learned how to properly catch the right one). The other day there must have been 20 children on this bus, and on campus it's rare to see just one or two at a time. I couldn't help but just watch them. I could see them older, envisioning each of their lives ahead of them. It's such a cruel world for such innocent things. Yet there is so much joy; I hope they find it.

I'm the same way with older people. What do they know? What have they seen? Why can't we ask? Their eyes tell their stories as strongly as the youngsters.

Visiting home makes me think a lot about age. Where I've been, where I'm going. It's so fast. Everyone warns you it's fast, but you don't really know it until you turn around. I see my childhood on these walls. I feel incredibly connected and incredibly disconnected to it. I can't touch it or hear it or taste it. I can see it in photographs, but i can't really see it. It's gone. Depressing? A tad. But in all reality this is what I've been waiting for my entire life. We talk about "growing up". I'm here. I'm growing up now. I'm at the genesis of the best years of my life. What do I do now? Live? It sounds so easy, but it's so confusing sometimes. Things never go the way you expect them to. I'm excited yes, but it's such a whirlwind, you never know if you are doing the right thing. But nobody really ever knows. Except for the youngsters. When you are 3 and wearing your ballet tutu, you just are happy. You're just living.

Salut ma vingt-huit.

photo cred.

Last December

While cleaning out my facebook I came across 2 "notes" which i wrote. One of which was one of those lists of things about yourself. Some are the same, some are different. Most are amusing to read.

1) i am not a patient person when it comes to technology, making food, etc.
2) traveling the world is my number one goal in life.
3) i am a compulsive people watcher. humans amaze me.
4) oreos are my weakness.
5) i like skinny dipping, swimming, showers, water in general. if i were to return as something else, i'd want to be a mermaid.
6) i've been accepted to SAIC, an art school in chicago, and will be studying fashion design & art in general.
7) i am terrified of skiing, spiders, and a certain horror movie.
8) i miss ballet.
9) i love film. i imagine life as a movie.
10) languages amuse me. french, german, swedish, russian, you name it...
11) i used to be obsessed with chinese astrology.
12) religion confuses me.
13) i never imagined my life the way it actually is.
14) scents bring back very specific memories and feelings to me, as do songs, and textures.
15) i love deja vu. not the movie, the actual occurrence.
16) 28 is my lucky number and i always find it when i least expect it.

Photo cred.

Versace/ Printemps 2010

Versace
Head Designer: Donatella Versace
[5/5]

Donatella, you are amazing.
-- watch --

An absolutely stunning collection. Glamorous, youthful, powerful, sexy, colorful, feminine. How she put the garments together is undoubtedly flattering to the shape of the female body. It's extremely current and make no mistake Versace is gonna earn the big bucks on this collection. Fabulous.

Not to mention her inspiration: Alice in Wonderland. What an incredible transformation from fairytale to a tangible beauty. Seriously, I want to be Alice in this story.

And yes, the text to my posts is suppose to go before the photos, but it just wasn't working out that way this time haha.

Photo cred [WWD]

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Fendi/ Printemps 2010

Fendi
Head Designers: Silvia Venturini Fendi and Karl Lagerfeld
[4/5]

Luxe. Perfect Silhouettes. A mop of hair to envy. Shoes that look like they would feel like ballet ribbons around the foot. Bravo Fendi.

Photo cred. [WWD]

Marni/ Printemps 2010

Marni
Head Designer: Consuelo Castiglioni
[3/5]

"What every woman would wear if she didn't dress for men."

That was the general idea from an article I read in Vogue maybe last year. So now every time I look at a Marni collection I try to remember and apply this concept and I always see it. The woman who wears Marni is far more independent and free-thinking. She has a mind of her own. Not saying there is no sex appeal in Marni, it's just a more sophisticated level.

Photo cred. [WWD]

Thyne Eyes

These are my original photos; do not steal copyrighted work.

17th Floor

Can't help but wondering from time to time if I'd be better off on that 17th floor
watching the dancers instead of being one
losing money instead of earning it
living the dream instead of still waiting for it.

Photo cred.

Jil Sander/ Printemps 2010

Jil Sander
[4/5]

What an amazing transformation. I was thoroughly impressed by the development from last season to this one, as far as youthful, desirable pieces. Spring 2010 has remarkable silhouettes and an elegant simplicity reminiscent of a Chanel collection. Yes, Jil has mastered the minimalist technique in years past, however, I feel this season it is more accessible, i.e. the attractive womens' "pant suits" and the LBDs, yet there is still the abstract quality of Jil with the sculpture-esque details.

Photo creds. [WWD]