Wednesday, December 30, 2009

La Maison et La Vie

Home is frustrating. I'm bored here now. I know that I fell in love with this city before I left, but now I feel so disconnected to it, and it's sad really. I'm going to try to figure it out.

Hopefully when I study abroad I can take this class called Space, Time, and Place. These concepts have always intrigued me. It's so weird for me to think that there are all these places I've been that just stay put when you leave them.

Photo cred.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Ma vingt-huit, encore.

It falls so gently, heavy and deep.
It pangs me to think of this time.




I wanted you to hold me gently down,

Keeping it all away from me.
But you held me up,

Showing me the bravery in having courage.

So instead I looked up,



To watch more come to me,
Like a magnetic force,

Like white dabs on a bla
ck canvas.

Hopeful, I trudge on in the mounds of winter.

Your youth gave my age reason to believe itself.

Our memories are just that, memories.

listening to: Roslyn - Bon Iver & St. Vincent

photo cred.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Sorry to be so emo lately. I don't know what the deal is!

It's 5:33a.m. and I'm not sure why I'm still awake, but what the hell... it's winter break right?!

Looking forward to - going back to school, getting back to a schedule, Christmas & New Year's
Listening to - my parakeets chirping and pleading me to turn out the light
Reading - blogs, shamefully no novels but on my to-do list
Thinking about - reconsidering my take on long distance relationships...he's a good guy!
Eating - nothing, but my diet did not go so well today as I am a sucker for cheap food
Regretting - the fact that I'm becoming nocturnal
Wearing - shorts and a white tee
Texting - two special guys
Craving - that awkwardly furry black vest at XXI, more vintage jewelry, curtains for this room...
Planning - who I'm gonna get crunk with on New Year's
Watching - minutes tick by...why am I not just pulling an all-nighter?!
Loving - the snow, being young and on vacation

Blegh. Night.

I love this photo; reminds me of Lost In Translation.
Photo cred.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Everything is so complicated. So elaborate. There are a billion ways to go in life. Choice is so daunting. Some things I can boil down to one simple choice which changed my life forever. And then I get to thinking about all the times a single simple decision changed my life forever and I'm not even aware of it now. Good gravy. This is why I'm jealous of the elderly. They can sit back and enjoy the simplicities of life. I want to do that, but I'm too busy worrying about my job, and my ex-boyfriend, and my classes, and my health, and my plans for this weekend, and my family. I want to simplify it all, without the use of illegal substances. Is this possible? Or is this state of mind something I'm just going to have to get use to? Who has the answer?

Listening to Bon Iver. And I'm not your skinny love anymore, breaks my heart.

Oie, life be bitchin'. Flowers because they are equally as romantic and depressing as choices.

Photo cred 1, 2.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I'll Try Anything Once

Ten decisions shape your life,
you'll be aware of 5 about,

7 ways to go through school,
either you're noticed or left out,
7 ways to get ahead,
7 reasons to drop round,
when i said ' I can see me in your eyes',
you said 'I can see you in my bed',

that's not just friendship that's romance too,
you like music we can dance to,

Sit me down,
Shut me up,
i'll calm down,
and i'll get along with you.

The Strokes, this song, I'll Try Anything Once, I'm addicted.
* correction... is the song called you only live once?

This morning at breakfast an older man asked me "Hey honey, where you get those beautiful blue eyes from?" I had barely noticed him and he was already asking me. Fuck. Why?
It's like torture. The one thing everyone notices is my eyes. All I said was, "Thank you," as I kept walking through the doors, a side smile in disbelief.
Then he was so shocked that I kept walking. He asked again, "From your Dad?" as if it were really bothering him that he didn't know. Both of my parents have brown eyes. I guess I get them from my grandparents, but I wouldn't know.

Creepy as fuck. Leave me know?

When I woke up this morning, way early, and I was thankful. One of those rare times when you can wake up in the morning and not be annoyed or half asleep even though you are running on about 3 hours of sleep. It was just, pleasant feeling. I told myself I was most thankful for my healthy body. With all of its imperfections and highlights, I was happy to be in this body. It's a great thing to feel when you are 18 and alone.

I'm going home in the morning. I've got about ten boxes to go home, for a 3 week vacation. I plan on bringing back 7. I've got too much stuff so I'm going to get rid of some of it. Riding back with my brother. It's been too long since I last saw him. God, it's good to have family.

Happy Holidays :]

Photo cred.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sea Therapy

Feeling all right tonight. Decided I'm going to Florida for sure. The sea is therapy for everybody, and I always liked traveling. I'm excited to wear sandals and summery dresses again for a short while. As long as it's warm enough. Oh and a bikini and cardigan mix. I can def picture it now, sitting at the edge of the Atlantic with my iPod and a raspberry iced tea. It has definitely been too long since I last sat in some sand.

I'm hoping to get a camera for Christmas so I can take lots of pictures while I'm there. Pictures to post as well :] I really enjoy photographs. It's like a piece of the places you've been that you can keep forever. I always say I want to go back to a certain time or memory. At least with a photograph you can kind of go back.

Sad that I won't be spending New Year's with my friends at home. It's okay though, won't be the first time.

I'm looking forward to making it back to campus after break. I like it here. It's a good temporary home. I'm finding out it is easier to like it as the year continues. Helps this is a good night. Cozy little room, like a restaurant with mood lighting but everybody is studying instead of eating. And my soundtrack is good...

"I traveled all the world in search of you. I walked through Paris in the rain. I sipped champagne in Hollywood. They're all just hollow shells. They're all just hollow shells without you around."

Photo cred.

What Was Your Most Alive Decision Today?

"Maybe home is a thought not a place; you can move and you're still safe."

Darling ever since you left me, you left me wanting more of you.
I've tried to fill the emptiness with the coolness of the night and his wallet on my alarm clock.
Every time my lips touch another, I can't feel the same as I have with you.
I know you feel it too.
Cradle me like you did before.

Look at me how you did before.
Tell me everything is all right because I can't see straight and I can't let go - you have me and I have you.

Watching the sunset only reminds me of the night you left me here in this town;
It's empty now without you.
I've tried to fill the emptiness with the coolness of the night and his wallet on my alarm clock.


Found this in my diary. Means more to me now than ever.

Photo cred.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Fool Me Once...

Fell for it again. The whole "most beautiful eyes" line. God. Except this time it was a stream of poetic compliments and then my favorite, "let me see those eyes." Rich, they are all rich.

Any guy who tells you that you have the most beautiful eyes in the world the first night you meet him is a trap. Just let him go.

Photo cred. [edited]

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Lost Love

When your heart feels empty, fill your brain for awhile.

Photo cred.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Marion Bridge

Yann Tiersen & an indie film.
Spending the evening through the thin windows,
Hidden from the red, winter sky.

I want to understand.
Captivating stories, ending happily,
Isn't that easy.
After the credits we have to keep on.
Wouldn't it be easier if it just ended panning the setting sun?
Trudging through the rest of our Hours.

Large and small.
I want the world but I want serenity.

Photo credit. [edited]

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

Friday, December 4, 2009

Je Voudrais Bien Avoir

I would like a cat. Very much so. Specifically one that doesn't pester my birds. Then I'd like to finally get a nose ring. Also I'd read more books. And tone my stomach. How about a big leap and finally pay to get my hair professionally colored... and cut at the same time haha.

Happy December. Let's be thankful now.

Photo cred.