I'm ready for a change. Something. Just when I become comfortable with who I am, something has to change. I guess I'm restless.
These photos on one of my favorite blogs, BLOW, just made me miss my artificial world. The world where I did run away at sixteen. The one where I did hitchhike through the Appalachians. The one where I did end up in Florida. The one where I did smoke cigarettes with my one lover. The one where we did sit on the beach and watch the sunset and rise again just like home. The one where we had one too many scares, and we had one too many failures, and far too many lost jobs. We don't care we're going nowhere because we go somewhere else every month or so.
I'm on the right track. According to society, I'm doing the right thing. But sometimes, I'm jealous as hell of the carefree souls who live life without plans or hope and just live for the warm sunshine through the windows in the morning and the cool open sky at night.
When I'm too busy, all I see is my planner and a post-it note of to-do's. I hate that kind of life. Slow down, take it in. Be stupid, make mistakes, learn from them, kiss gently, then kiss hard and long. Walk backwards, see something you've never seen before.
I think I did that this fall. At the end of the semester, I was sick of it though, so sick. I ended up in way too much trouble and heartache than I wanted. I can't find a balance. The last thing I think I ever want to become is wrapped up in my work so much I miss the hearts walking past.
I can't listen to this new voicemail on my phone until 7pm because I'm out of anytime minutes. Lame.
Soundtrack to this post: my friend's cousin's band. THEY are adorable.